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2001-12-16 - 5:04 p.m.
i am afraid of everything. i allow myself to be paralyzed. this is absurd. i am going to die soon...70, maybe 80 more years, and what will i have done? been safe? let the softness hold me until my brain and body become dystrophic? i am furious with myself today. this is also not productive. dusting and vacuuming and polishing and organizing are productive and yet here i am amid the chaos of papers and objects typing out into the world, waiting for a response.