Diaryland
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2002-03-10 - 11:00 p.m.
sometimes i think about picking up a wet baby from the bath and it being too slippery and shooting right out of my hands like a little baby-shaped rocket. i am terrified by this idea but it also makes me laugh. occasionally, when i'm on the freeway i envision the other cars driving by as mangled heaps of metal and broken glass, smoking on the side of the road. this does not make me laugh but i am fascinated by it. other times i imagine bludgeoning my loved ones with my fists until they bleed and cry and become pulpy. this makes me grind my teeth.
i do not want any of these things: wet rocket babies, mangled cars or bleeding loved ones. i feel guilty about all of it. but i still fixate.