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2002-04-18 - 4:14 p.m.
three of my closest friends will be moving away within the next 4 months. one to London, one to Boston, one to Arcata. i am happy for all of them. i can honestly say that. i am excited to have more places in the world that i can call home. but this has also gotten me thinking. who will i watch bad movies with on thursday nights? who will sit in the car with me and talk until dawn? who will i eat breakfast with at 2pm on a sunday? who can i just be with? no explanations, no justifications, no proving anything. part of me is excited, i will get to form new bonds, re-make myself again. i am not afraid. but it makes me wonder about who i spend my time with. so often we become products of our environments: linguistically, socially, etc. we spend our time with who is available, who returns our calls, who operates in our comfort zone and doesn't threaten the delicate balance of what we believe we are. my life is full of friendship and love, more than i can really handle sometimes. especially when i realize how much more is out there in the world to know. so these friends, the ones who are leaving, moving on, growing and changing, i will miss them terribly. but i also want to thank them. for going on without me. for inadvertantly giving me the chance to feel alone, more alone than i have ever been before. this feeling is like a growth spurt: a little ache, a little rush, all brand new, and so unknown.