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2002-06-10 - 4:06 p.m.
i like to be alone. i am terrified of it, but i like it. i don't like to be held accountable. in this way i am lazy, irresponsible. i like to feel/experience from the outside of situations. i like to worry and never have a say in the solution. i like to sleep in five minute bursts and wait for fate to knock on my door even though i have intentionally left no forwarding address. i like to wait for things that will never come, anticipating the great joy of the impossible, reliving it over and over in my tired head. i like to anticipate the conclusion, ignore the action, predict my own reaction, and avoid confrontation. i like to pretend that i don't care what you think. i like to give away too much information while consistently omitting the vital details. i like to face my fears, naked, with the secret haughty knowledge of what is disguised by my boldness.
i am what i despise.
and i find it fascinating.