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2003-05-15 - 12:19 p.m.
Over-thinking again
A lot of my friends have piercings. Noses, genitals, lips, eyebrows, bellybuttons, nipples, tongues. I think it's hot.
I only have one. My tongue. It's the only part of me that has ever felt right, appropriate, to pierce.
I over-thought this in the car the other day.
My tongue is the greatest source of pleasure and vice in my life. When I pierced it I had something, vaguely, in mind.
To me, this little barbel represents discipline.
Not a controlling discipline, really. More of an awareness. A conscious weight in the center of my appetites and my speech. You see, the two things I have the least control over, and the things I love the most, are my desires and my words.
I eat like a pig. I say things that I shouldn't or I fail to say anything when I should.
It's probably not surprising that I am a big fan of oral sex. If I were Freudian, I never would have left the Oral stage of development(yes, that would be the first stage).
A stupid piece of metal abstractly serves to give weight and accountability to this volatile piece of my anatomy. I want to notice it. I want to rebel against it. I suppose there is a part of me that wants to control it. But I also want to set it free.
At one point, Monday, June 18, 2001, I wrote about cutting out my tongue.
I realize that for the past few years I have been focusing a great deal of my energy on attempting to suppress this part of me instead of just being present in my desires. I think I have suppressed my own language. This is stupid. So I'm going to stop, and start talking back.
So here is too much meaning infused into something that mostly I just like for decoration. Take it for what it's worth or don't take it at all.