Diaryland
Other Diaries
Profile
Email
All Entries �
Latest Entry
2003-06-18 - 11:22 a.m.
Begin in the middle, end at the beginning, quit before it's over.
The thing is, I feel BAD not going to my parents' house every single fucking day to make sure they are happy with me and attended to and not too bored and depressed with their free time during retirement.
I am embarrassed that my actions have so much levity for them. They make me feel inconsiderate and selfish, like a teenager.
But, I am the only 24 year old I know who makes a weekly visit to her parents' house for the night.
Every week my mom tells me how much she misses me.
It's true, I don't call. And that's mean, I guess. But, it's hard to skirt subjects.
They don't respect my relationship with my boyfriend. They think I would be better off if I had "less creative" friends who were more stable.
I will not invite them over to my house because I don't want to hear about the neighborhood.
Not that it's my responsibility to keep them happy, and I know that if I spoke to them about it I would only recieve a lecture about how mistaken I am in my interpretation and that what I am feeling isn't really a series of soul-crushing guilt trips but pure unadulterated love and carefully constructed support.
But it sure seems like my Mom's happiness is based directly on how often I come home and how frequently I inviscerate myself and spill my guts to her so the bones can be picked clean.
And I'm sure I could be better. More loving, more attentive, more adult about the whole thing but all this reminds me of is what I felt like ten years ago when my parents forced me to to to a psychologist because they thought I was a slut.(no, really!) After a year of weekly visits to my psychologist the final conclusion was that it would be really good for me if my parents would leave me the fuck alone once and a while.
Can we please come to that conclusion again without paying a stranger $200 an hour?