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2004-01-11 - 5:36 p.m.
Today's lesson is about being a Quitter
Obviously, I fell off the raw food wagon.
It has been less than a week. Seventeen raw meals to be exact.
Come on people, sprouted garbanzo beans?
I loved the idea of being pure, healthy, clean, energetic and in touch with my meal's life force.
The thing is, I don't have 17 hours to make raw "oatmeal cookies" in the food dehydrator.
Plus, it made me physically sick and emotionally miserable.
I have slept for 12 hours a night for more than one night this week. I usually sleep for six. From what I read I'm supposed to sleep less and feel more energetic. Instead I feel numb, dull and fucking tired.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can get on your self-discipline high horse all you want with me but I know you couldn't do it.
So shut the fuck up you hot soup-eating pansy.
Anyway, the clincher came when my intestines nearly exploded last night. I would have gotten my camera but I was in too much pain.
I was still trying to stick with it this morning and I had an apple and raw spinach "soup" (jalapeno, garlic, ginger, spinach, parsley, cilantro, basil, water, cayenne, arugula and avocado)for breakfast. It looks like slime but is surprisingly tasty*. Later on in the grocery store my mother said "Did you have garlic this morning?" She was standing ten feet away.
I decided to have pizza for lunch. And for snack.
I don't really feel that bad about it. At least I tried.
I read the week-long raw food journal of a woman who is living on a raw food commune in Puerto Rico. She is a journalist and has been living and working for three months in a community that supports and enforces raw food diets.
She and her boyfriend still sneak off to Pizza Hut in the middle of the night.
Ok, I do feel a little bit bad that I failed to discipline myself enough to stick with this. Then again, my body told me over and over that it was a bad idea.
Plus I make $12.50 an hour and it's not like the paper is going to reimburse me for the $7.99 jar of raw almond butter.
Raw food IS good for you, but the key is balance. Anything this extreme really borders on cultishness and an excessive need to control one's environment.
Guess what? You will never ever EVER be able to control what happens to you. It's a good idea to voice your input and use your own power to exert change but you will always have to bend and sometimes you will break. And in the end you are still you.
ANYWAY. Raw food diets aren't necessarily healthy. As one nutritionist put it, it's like bulimia without the vomiting -- the drastic reduction in calories puts the body in "famine" mode and you do your best to conserve the resources you have.
Which might explain why I only "evacuated the premises" twice this week.
Bet you're glad to know all about my intestinal tract now aren't you?
Part of me is tempted to keep at it since I seem to have dropped from around 130 pounds to 120 in less than a week. Of course all the fat is still there so it must just be muscle that my body is digesting.
It's cool, don't worry. I'll be fine. Especially since I've decided to be a QUITTER!
*If you like things that taste like slightly bitter slime, which I do, I guess.