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2002-03-27 - 12:01 p.m.
speaking of feeling violated:
i have a friend who touches me a lot. on the shoulder on the arm on the face on the ass...wherever. he hugs me when he wants to control me. he hugs me when he feels like i'm not giving him enough. he touches me when he wants other people to know that he "owns" me. i can feel all of this and my resentment is so deep that i am physically disgusted. at times i feel the same way when my parents try to hug/touch me.
don't love me because you own me, love me because i am worth it and we are all free.
i am terrified by my disgust, aren't these the people who are supposed to love me the most? who treat me the best? i actually feel dirty when they touch me.
i am embarassed to post this.
don't get me wrong:
i adore spontaneous acts of love. i want to be hugged for no reason. i want to be acknowledged for who i am, not just what i've done. i appreciate all of this. but please, no control.