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2002-05-08 - 4:55 p.m.
i don't feel sexy at all. not one bit. hair is in the shape of an exotic mushroom, my nose is projecting 3 feet from my face, i have a big red pimple and my pants are too damn tight in all the wrong places. once i take my clothes off, tousle my hair, drink a glass of wine, and get out my vibrator i still don't feel sexy. i feel like a drunken naked greaseball with fungus hair. maybe it is my profession. teachers are not sexy. they are dowdy, cranky, old, responsible and regimented. they have moles on their faces with big black hairs growing out of them and perpetual bad breath. i want to be sexy. and even as i type this i am thinking "SEXY??!?! I hate the word sexy!!" and i know i shouldn't need other people to tell me that i am sexy but dammit, i feel like a big square loaf of wheat germ in a land of buttery, rounded muffins and i am tired of it.
this is not entirely what i mean to say, but it will have to do for now.