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2003-02-21 - 4:06 p.m.
before i had a stupid entry here and now it's gone!
and now it's an hour later and I decided to put it back in because I promised myself that I wouldn't delete anything, even if it was the worst shit in the world. stupid facts that I must really want you to know or I wouldn't post them:
This is how I feel every day:
I am the weakest human being in the world. It's disgusting. I want to kill myself. This is a waste of time.
I think I'm crazy. You make me crazy. I hate you.
Here is the truth:
most of these things aren't real, except in my head. and no manner of treatment will make them go away unless I choose to let them go.
but what will I do without self-hatred?
live.
the thing is, sometimes a little bit of self-criticism helps the creative process and motivates you to change. too much makes it so you don't do anything.
I don't want to hear from you about this.
and despite what you might think, I'm not having a bad day.
I just remembered that I wasted several years waiting for something perfect instead of laughing, bleeding and fucking shit up.
and for boris's benefit: raspberries do kick ass