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2003-04-22 - 4:56 p.m.

Maybe some of you are wondering the same thing:

===== Original Message from "Adam" at

4/22/03 3:47 pm

>What's with your diary entries today?

>

To: Adam

I don't know exactly what you mean so this is my appendix: I'm

dissatisfied with who I am and how I am with everything. It's sick, disgusting, and I think I'm crazy.

Entry 1: I am trying to teach myself to stop asking questions and start making statements because people respond better to statements. I feel misunderstood and it makes me feel like I'm in high school or junior high and it makes me feel stupid and pathetic. I am tired of feeling that way. So now I'm going to make statements and stop caring if they are true or not because if you tell people something is true they will believe you. I'm going to start being a bitch again.

Entry 2: I'm fucking pathetic and it's embarrassing. And even though I know this about myself I don't know how to fix it. Or I am afraid to. So I remain fucking pathetic, because it's easier to be a victim than to stand up and take a risk. (that would be the fucking pathetic and embarrassing part.) I know how I will act and how any given individual will react to me [predictable part].

so yeah, what did you mean?

===== Original Message from "Adam" at

4/22/03 4:02 pm

>That's an appropriate summary. That clears up my question. Your entries were

>somewhat cryptic.

To: Adam

cryptic: yeah, that's sort of how I've cultivated my voice in the bubbleviciou forum. earlier in life I was accused of being long-winded. i have to be pissed off somewhere: i don't get to do it anywhere else.

speaking of being pissed off...you doin ok?

===== Original Message from "Adam"

What's wrong with being long winded?

I'm doing fine, thanks!

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