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2003-10-14 - 2:08 p.m.
The most rebellious thing I can do in this society is have appetites.
Hunger for sex. Hunger for food. Hunger for success.
Women aren't supposed to have appetites like this. Look at a fashion magazine. We aren't.*
I am not meant to think about fucking all day long. I am meant to think how pretty I will look in my long white wedding dress.
I am not meant to stuff my face with greasy tacos, beans and beer. I am meant to enjoy a crisp side salad with a squeeze of lemon and a mineral water.
I am not meant to make more money or gain more fame than perhaps my father has. I am meant to do an adequate job at my chosen career and then focus my energy on others -- my friends, my family, my significant other.
Appetites make me inappropriate and, frankly, a bit gaudy.
"How unfortunate" we think when we learn that she's fucked all of your friends. "How out of control" we think when we see her order a double double and an extra large carton of fries. "How selfish" we think when she forgoes another social event for the sake of work.
This is obviously a generalization.
But when I see the news, when I look at magazines and when I talk about politics with strangers I remember what I look like to them. I remember who I am in this world.
And that's why I ruminate so often on Eating, Fucking and, well, Dreaming because I'm doing my best to rebel and be true to what I want.
And I want the rest of the world to fuck off.
If only this issue were really as simple or clear cut as this.
*I am lucky in that most of my acquaintences appreciate my appetites rather than condemn them.