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2004-06-04 - 4:38 p.m.
Coming home is getting easier and easier.
For a while it was just sad. I thought, "What the hell did I do?" and "Am I an idiot?"
Worse, I thought, "Am I crazy?"
Now I think, "Well, this is done," and lean my head against the wall while I pee.
There is joy in that, the head-leaning.
Appreciate the small things, enlightenment lies in the small things.
Plus we can only leave fingerprints on the big things -- they are too large to hold in our hands.
What am I talking about? (you ask)
Big or small, there's still not quite enough room for me between these four walls. Not enough room for my head at least.
You can tell because nothing has a place. My pieces are scattered, lumped and stacked everywhere.
I am chaos. I am order.
I am immaculate. I am rotten on the inside.