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2004-01-09 - 2:07 p.m.
I put on a pair of hand-me-down control-top pantyhose this morning because I was tired of going bare-legged to work.
Control-top panty hose are evil -- they try to tame things that should be left wild and free, my thighs for instance. Also, to quote Tom Robbins, they make you smell like a "trapped and frightened vagina."
Will somebody please come rescue my vagina? I fear it may require the jaws of life.